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Even when you feel utterly uncomfortable, it is possible to overcome self doubt at work.
But when you are in the clutches of discomfort, it can make you feel like it will never end.
Self doubt can come to you like a silent storm.
At first, you sense a small gut feeling that something’s not right. And then, all of the sudden, you are caught in a downpour of self-sabotage, negative self-talk, overthinking, and second-guessing.
Even if you are not someone who often gets off track, when true self doubt comes you can feel completely scattered, unfocused, and defeated.
Self doubt is normal. But it doesn’t have to be your norm.
Don’t let self doubt hold you back from accomplishing what you set out to accomplish.
Here are some tips to overcome self doubt and become more confident in your work.
1. Be Honest with Yourself
You can attempt to give a confident impression to the outside world (and sometimes you should).
But you always want to admit to yourself when you are experiencing self doubt.
Being authentic with yourself gives you the opportunity to assess the full situation. Pause, inquire within about the source of your concerns, and attempt to address them.
Have you been given a new project and just aren’t sure where to start?
Do you know what to do, but are afraid you may fail?
Is it that you have an idea that you believe is solid, but you are concerned others will not approve of it?
Knowing your core issues of concern can give you an opportunity to focus and address the problem head-on.
If you don’t know where to start, maybe reflect on a project you did well in the past and examine why and how.
Speak confidently to yourself and know that even if you don’t know, you are competent enough to figure things out.
And sometimes it is simply worth taking the risk on yourself, moving forward, and learning from your experience.
Do your best and you can always feel satisfied that you put forth your best effort regardless of the outcome.
Be honest with yourself regarding fears, concerns, or areas of opportunity. Then work diligently to respond, react, and resolve your concerns.
By taking productive action to calm your fears and resolve your worries, you can remove self doubt and build better confidence in yourself.
2. Get Support
When you are suffering from self doubt, look to others you trust to support you through it.
You may have an entire resource bank of family members, trusted friends, or co-workers who can help with the issues that you are confronting.
Other people may have dealt with the exact issue that you are facing and minimally can make you feel as if you are not alone in your dilemma.
You do not want to lean on a “misery-loves-company” campaign.
Instead, look for those who inspire a sense of hope from people you respect and admire. You may be surprised to learn that they have insecurities too.
Through these positive influencers, you may find evidence that it is possible to move from self doubt to self-empowerment.
In addition to those you know personally, it can be tremendously impactful to lean on different motivational speakers, social media influencers, podcasters, and more. Often they will remind you that self-doubt is commonly an ingredient of success. So put your focus on learning from the experience instead of suffering through the experience.
To gain the right support for your self doubt from others, it is important to be open about your concerns.
And, also, to be receptive to the guidance that you are provided to soften your anxiety.
Even if you are not sure that others’ advice is applicable, be patient to listen. You may learn a new method for calming your self doubt that you never considered on your own.
3. Take Small Steps
Challenging work can be the cornerstone to feelings of self doubt.
Have you found yourself with more on your plate than anyone could conceivably do?
No matter if you have loaded your own plate or someone else did, the outcome is the same. You lose confidence, fill yourself with doubt, and even give up before you start.
When the pile is high and the list is long, it is important to start small.
Don’t try to tackle everything at once.
Instead, take baby steps toward your goal.
Start with one thing at a time.
The goal then is two-fold. One, get the small things done, And, two, feel the benefits of momentum and building confidence by getting things more and more things done.
It is hard to have self doubt when you are on a winning streak.
So create a path of small steps that keep you winning and erase concerns of self doubt at the same time.
4. Keep Learning
If you have self doubt because you don’t know something, then figure out the best way for you to learn.
Never before have there been so many ways to learn new information and skills.
Sometimes the information or practice that you need is very specific to your current place of business. Take a vested interest in spending time with others who are more knowledgeable that work around you.
So long as others have time to share, most people love when others take a real interest in their job.
Simply ask questions and gain answers.
There are many who will take the route of formal education with college courses, certifications, conferences, or training in certain fields.
These are excellent options for learning and broadening your network of individuals to learn from and share what you have learned.
There are also other vehicles that are more easily accessible and less costly depending on your field of interest.
Skillshare is an online educational platform with thousands of classes on a wide range of subjects for those interested in creative fields. With an active membership, you have an open field of opportunity to try different courses and complete as many as you want.
This is an excellent opportunity to gain new skills or to expand upon existing skills.
And what truly helps is that you can browse and find the right personality, teaching style, and instruction type that fits you personally.
MasterClass is another online educational platform boasting an impressive list of courses and a wide range of subjects from economics to writing to business strategy and personal branding.
In addition to gaining access to a diversified field of subjects with well-crafted course content, you have the added benefit of learning from the absolute leaders in the respective fields.
Pulitzer Prize winners, Nobel Prize winners, best-selling authors, Grammy Award winners, and more.
The curated information is presented in an engaging style and often marries the share of information with a more in-depth and behind-the-scenes view of the presenter. This not only makes the information shared more intriguing but makes learning that much more engaging, entertaining, and fun.
Choose the method of learning that best suits you. As you learn more and adopt your learnings to what you do, you will increase your confidence level along with your skill and abilities.
Learning is the key to expanding your knowledge and also to diminishing your self-doubt concerns.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Fail
The hardest thing to do when you fear failing is to admit to yourself that you really may fail. But self doubt becomes stronger when you avoid the truth.
In reality, even experts can fail. And most often the biggest successes have learned the most through their failures.
So learning to fail and then continue to move forward can be one of the best skills for you to learn.
Do not let fear stop you from trying new things.
Work to overcome self doubt if it leads you to hold yourself back.
Manage your negative self-talk if it distracts you from your goals.
And learn to take risks so that you can teach yourself all the ways that you succeed.
You will succeed by working hard, and you will succeed by making processes easier. It is possible for you to fail and also to recover.
Or you may fail and never do that same thing ever again!
All the roads that you take after risk and failure lead you to know yourself better.
You can conquer self-doubt when you know yourself well enough to believe that you can thrive in any situation.
Self doubt is something we all face at some time.
However, to gain the success that you desire at work, it is important to find ways to conquer it when it comes.
Gain better insight into yourself by exploring the specific reasons you feel doubtful. And discover ways to overcome self doubt by finding support from others or challenging yourself to address your concerns.
Self doubt can be diminished by actively working to build confidence in yourself.
You can build confidence by learning more through others, studying independently, or even picking yourself back up after a failure.
While the road to success may include failure, stress, and self doubt, this does not mean that you must suffer through every challenge. Trust that self doubt is truly something that can be overcome.
Looking for more inspiration on being your best at work? Take a look at these posts:
The conversations you have at work include fake smiles and mindless commentary. You never feel safe enough to express your real opinions. And you entertain people, meetings, projects, and events that you could care less about.
When did you make the decision to sell out who you are in exchange for what you could have?
And, worse yet, have you been fake for so long that you no longer remember who the real you is?
Some people fall into this category and are simply annoyed with themselves. Wishing that they had never let things get as far as they have gotten. Others, however, are devastated.
You realize that in exchange for money, a title, an office, or holding down a job, you have completely lost your sense of self.
Who are YOU right now?
If for the sake of work you have gotten too far away from who you know yourself to be, don’t worry. You will never lose your opportunity to choose to be different.
You can choose who you want to be AND have a job that makes you proud of who you are.
You do not have to compromise what you are in order to please anyone.
First, let’s be clear. You may think the goal is finding yourself. But, in fact, you cannot really lose yourself.
You may believe that you are not being the real you, but the real you is exactly who you are right now.
That’s because there is only one you.
You may not like all the parts and pieces of you at the moment. Or you may feel disconnected from the you that you have become. But who you are is defined by how you show up every day.
If you have a negative relationship with the real you, it is because there is a noticeable gap between who you are and who you want to be. This negative space can leave you feeling imbalanced, disingenuous, and just not real. But do not beat up on yourself for getting to this place.
The reasons you got here were at one point likely sound and reasonable but don’t fit you today.
How did you lose yourself?
We all have compromised before in order to create peace. Peace for others and peace for ourselves.
It is important to feel a sense of harmony, acceptance, and security in our environment. Gaining what we need in life can become easier when we are in the good favor of others.
And so we work to create positive experiences with those with whom we share space.
These are all good intentions. But also risky decisions when repeated for too long or too intensely. When you continually morph yourself to be in alignment with outside standards, you may begin to forget the standards that you hold solely for yourself.
It is possible to reclaim this self awareness and to put yourself in alignment with what is important to you.
Make a commitment to yourself today. Who you want to be and who you are will be the same person starting right now.
Finding yourself involves taking steps to rediscover the essence of you. Then to exercise your freedom to move forward as the person that you really want to be.
Finding Yourself Through Self Discovery
Self discovery is the result of examining yourself and, independently, identifying who and what you are.
While you may have been influenced by societal standards, the influence of those in your circle, or your observation of the world, you make the final decision of what definition applies to you. To know who you are at your core and what you stand for requires internal assessment and willingness to be a quiet observer of oneself.
There are innumerable approaches to embark on the journey of self discovery.
If you are a beginner in undergoing this exploratory examination, here are a couple methods that you can try:
Self Discovery Method #1: Personal Value Assessment
A personal value assessment provides a means to examine, interpret, and choose what you consider to be most valuable to you. Your values affect how you interact with the world and also how you react to others’ responses to you.
Many forums, such as the Values Centre, offer assessments of this kind. See their free exampleHERE. It takes minutes to complete and the outcome is a comprehensive report in response to your values selections.
You can learn what your core values say about you and how they impact your connection with others.
Participating in this type of assessment is valuable, but not only for the report that you receive. More importantly, it is the experience that you can gain from the questions that are asked.
In the process of considering one value over another, you can start to reflect on what is truly important to you and why. You may find that when forced to choose and rank importance, your philosophy and practical application of your values are very different.
No matter the outcome of your assessment, determining your true core values will help to bring clarity to your self-discovery and personal identity.
You will discover that your core values shape your behavior and your interpretation of the world around you.
You make decisions on how you live, who you have in your life, and what drives you every day based on the principles that you have.
When you are conscious of your core values, you then can consciously choose how you want to incorporate them into your daily life.
Self Discovery Method #2: Core Values Journaling
Another self discovery method is to independently and thoughtfully consider your core values.
No report or outside opinion, just you thinking about you.
You can do this through self-dialogue, meditative thought, or journaling. You may find this Core Values Journal to be a useful tool to guide your self-exploration process.
This particular journal offers a mixture of questions, self discovery journaling prompts, and open journaling pages to draw out an inner dialogue around your values.
Unlike an outside assessment, you serve as the primary navigator towards learning and interpreting what is most important to you.
Core values journaling is not an all-inclusive means to determine your personal identity and self-definition. However, the journal content can help you to create meaningful internal dialogue and to point your mind in the direction of self-discovery.
The most important takeaway from these exercises is that you start to consider your own opinion.
And once you identify your opinion, you can then examine if ,in your opinion, you live in accordance with your core values.
To reach the outcome of being the true self you seek to be requires a genuine pursuit of your independent self discovery. When you know and can define who and what you are you can more easily create a definition for the authentic life you choose to live.
How Can You Move From Finding Yourself to Being Yourself?
Now that you have identified who and what you believe yourself to be, it is necessary to express yourself authentically. When you present to, communicate with, and engage with others in alignment with your true self you are at the same time honoring your self-expression.
This is being yourself.
To express yourself as the real you is to further clarify to yourself and others how your authentic self lives in everyday life.
It can take bravery, vulnerability, and openness to shift from being overly outward-focused to including your inner self’s thoughts and opinions and sharing them outloud.
This can be particularly difficult at work when you may fear the consequences of what authenticity and self-expression could bring. However, if you continue to hide your authentic self, you may continue to feel a disconnect with or loss of your true self.
Are you restless with your job?
Do you feel disconnected with your work?
Are you unsatisfied with your boss?
Any and all of these scenarios may be the result of your job, work content, or boss being misaligned with your core values. And in response, you align with the job instead of standing up for yourself.
Honoring your authentic self-expression as it pertains to your work is another form of affirmation and acknowledgment of who you really are. To maintain the legacy that is you, you must keep the core of you intact.
Don’t allow yourself to do the heavy lifting of finding yourself, only to abandon who you are for your job or those you work with
5 Ways to Express Yourself Authentically at Work
Here are some ideas on how to live and work in accordance with who you are;
1. Be Honest
Find comfort in speaking your truth versus trying to please the crowd at work.
This not only demonstrates your genuine self but also allows those around you to learn and become acclimated to the real you.
Honesty can be a breath of fresh air when conformity can leave many wondering if real responses are a thing of the past. Feedback given with respect and thoughtfulness is appreciated, versus being considered rude or disharmonious.
Honesty creates the opportunity for engaging dialogue and shows consideration.
2. Speak Up
Be transparent with your thoughts, ideas, or recommendations.
When you are inspired to share, take confidence that your voice matters and your input is important. Rather than an intrusion, consider that you are a valuable asset to others.
When you respect what you have to say often others will as well. Speaking up when you feel called to share trains you to feel safe when letting the real you show.
3. Follow Your Gut
You may not always have the facts and figures to back a decision, but you know your internal gut feeling.
Permit your senses to guide your actions and trust in your ability to rely on your sixth sense. Likely it is derived from past experiences, gauging the current climate, and even an emotionally based inclination that makes sense to you.
All of these queues combined can provide you with your own unique read on a situation. You only sharpen your intuitive skills when you practice using them regularly. And you honor your authenticity when you recognize and respect that your gut instinct exists too.
4. Respect Your Boundaries
You do not have to always be everything to everyone. And you do not have an obligation to share space, time, or resources with others just because.
Respectfully declining work beyond your scope or an after-work event you have no interest in is not a dealbreaker. Instead, setting boundaries is an opportunity for you to honor your priorities and self-care.
Make a practice of saying no so that you can affirm your self-awareness of what is right for you.
5. Expect Respect
Everyone has their stressful days at work.
This does give license for you to be the recipient of another’s stress release. When things go too far, respectfully let the other person know.
You also can take time away from those that seem to be in a toxic rut for days or weeks. Respecting your personal space, your mental space, and your heart space is honoring your authenticity at the same time.
The real you is an authentic you. And the practice of authenticity permits you to stay connected to the full definition of who you are at the heart.
Practice living and interacting authentically to ensure you will not let unintended conformity remove the essence of the real you.
The real you is a part of you no matter where you go, including at your job.
However, in order to maintain a harmonious or successful experience at work, you may have felt that you had to leave the real you behind. When you fake who you are in order to appease others you can feel as if you have lost yourself and suffer the outcome of feeling disconnected or disingenuous.
But don’t worry. You can always choose to let who you are and how you show up be aligned each and every day. You can be 100% yourself without sacrificing your career goals.
Whether you use tools like a personal value assessment, a core values journal, or just quiet discussions with yourself, take time to explore self discovery. Use what you find as your personal priorities and core values as your means to infuse your unique expression into your daily work life.
By finding yourself, developing your self-definition, and showing up fully as you are, you will feel real once again!
Have you struggled with comfortably being yourself for the sake of making other people comfortable? Share your story in the Comments section below.
Some people live by keeping their commitments. Unfortunately, others suffer through them.
When breaking promises goes from an occasional mishap to a regular occurrence, it can create havoc in your life. Before you know it your integrity becomes questionable, your promises become meaningless, and your good intentions are forgotten.
What’s worse is that keeping commitments can be a real challenge for you. It may not be as simple as just starting to commit better. But instead, it may take more extensive time to understand your flaws and create new and better habits.
It’s worth it to dedicate time and attention to overcoming your commitment challenges, regardless of their persistence or origin. When you become a more committed person, you can feel as if you have more control over your life, create real change in your personal self image, and create a significant improvement in the image others have of you too.
Let’s look at how we can tackle your commitment issues and make changes in your life for the better.
Why Is Keeping Commitments So Hard?
The reasons are countless as to why you just are terrible with keeping promises or seem to lack the ability to keep up with commitments overall. Keeping commitments is hard when you don’t have the desire, ability, or motivation to do it.
Here are a few scenarios that quickly turn your intent to commitment into a dishonorable event:
Uncomfortable Commitments: What happens when you have options that are easier or feel better than the commitment that’s in front of you. Maybe you committed to getting up early and helping someone move. Staying in bed and sleeping longer is much more attractive and easier option than doing any of that. When you commit to things that you really don’t want to do, you essentially are forcing your body to move through what your mind does not accept.
Unrealistic Commitments: There can also be times when you make a commitment that you simply shouldn’t have. You may have over-extended yourself or misjudged your capability or availability. Therefore the structure of your commitment was faulty from the beginning. Why promise to arrive at a certain time when you rely on a completely different person for your transportation! It could work out but then again, it didn’t.
Unnecessary Commitments: There is also the occasion when you commit as a courtesy. Even when you don’t want to do it, your compassion for the other person persuades you to say you will. The issue here can be that your emotion is short-lived. And when faced with taking action, your momentum has already died off. You may still have love and compassion for the person you made the promise to (Mom). But that emotion does not transition into fuel to do the task or motivation to keep the promise.
Desire, motivation, availability of time or energy, and even a lapse in memory can all contribute to broken promises and failed commitments. And with all these obstacles on the trail, it can simply be hard to keep up.
How Can You Make the Commitment Process Easier
A good place to start in becoming better with commitments is to be better in evaluating if you should even commit.
Be honest about whether or not you want to commit
Evaluate well if it is realistic for you to commit
Lean on more than your motivation as a means to ensure that you commit to the end
Arm yourself with the best scenario before you take on resonsibility you just are not ready to take on. Gain comfort in establishing boundaries and you will save headache for yourself and for the person that you commit to. No is not always the best answer, but it can be a better answer than a broken promise in the end.
Benefits of Keeping Your Commitments
If you plan on saying yes to requests or simply have to, such as at work, you may need to evaluate your long-term strategy of being stronger in fulfilling your commitments. Knowing the benefits of committed behavior can serve to reinforce your efforts when you may not always be mentally in the game:
When you make a commitment and see it through, you may gain more self-respect and self-confidence.
Honoring what you commit yourself to do can form of self care, self love, and self respect to you! Remember, not all promises are to others. You also can make and break promises with yourself.
You can positively impact your feeling of confidence to try new things, take on challenges, or make decisions without the co-sign of another person. You know that you can rely on yourself to be diligent, try harder, study more, or put in the commitment toward your goals.
And keeping commitments will impact the feeling of safety and security others have with you. Others will trust you to honor your word, be present when needed, or feel more respected and cared for.
Committing to tasks, requests, and obligations is not easy and even harder to do with regular consistency. But the benefits are immeasurable when you learn to appreciate the personal and interpersonal benefits of changing your habits and keeping commitments.
How do you take the next steps to have long-term improvement in your commitment capabilities?
Examining If You Are Ready to Be More Committed
As with any habit or behavior change, to become more committed you first need to acknowledge your obstacles.
Are you easily distracted or have trouble saying no?
It is important to be honest with yourself in order to find the root of your problem.
From here, you can develop a plan on how to improve.
Examining who you are as a person and how you manage your life can help you gain an understanding of how you keep on top of your usual daily tasks.
Identify your problem-solving skills. If you are strong in resolving problems, you can feel safe to commit to being that “fix-it” person for someone. However, if you do not do this well for yourself, then you may want to offer ideas but not commit to a resolution.
Embrace yourself as an independent or team player. If you are asked to take on a task on your own but you typically excel through the support of others, try not to commit out of your comfort zone. Not only will it not create the optimal environment for your success, but you may also just feel unmotivated because you are not in your ideal conditions.
Break your habit of half-listening or filling in someone else’s blanks. You may be perfect for the job if you knew fully what the job is. But if you don’t know, don’t commit yourself to a theory. If you have the habit of cutting people off and then saying “I can do it” without hearing the whole plan, it may be worthwhile to practice patience and listening before commitment.
Really take time to examine who you are, what habits you have today, and how they may be impacting your commitment consistency. These details make a difference. And can potentially quicken your success to become a more well-equipped, reliable, committed person.
How to Improve Your Commitment Skills
No matter where you are on your readiness scale, there are some tips that you can put into place today to help you be more committed and conquer keeping your promises more frequently.
Set smaller goals rather than making grandiose plans that are difficult to keep up with
Review your intended commitment, with yourself or the other person, to determine exactly how you will get the task accomplished before making a promise to get it done
Visualize the successful outcome of keeping your commitment. Actually seeing the end in your line of sight can create better focus of your intended target.
Talk about your commitment out loud to assist with memory recall of what’s on your to-do list
Find an accountability partner who will help you stay on track
Write down all significant details of your commitment in a prominent place including the deadline
Set reminders in your electronic calendar
Your commitments are simply goals that you intend to accomplish on time and in full. Therefore treat them like goals and create a plan of success to support your best form of achievement.
A Bonus Tip on Using Planning to Improve Commitment
If you find that you often start projects with the best of intentions but then fail to follow through, planning may be your core commitment issue. It’s not your failure to be honest in your commitments, it’s that you cannot back up your good intentions with strong delivery through planning.
Using a planner can be an excellent way to record all of your intended tasks, keep them organized, and serve as a reminder when your day gets busy. This can help you see at a glance what needs to be done, when, and for who. It can also help to keep your non-negotiable commitments in one place so that you can easily refer to them.
Using a planner on a regular basis, reviewing it at regular intervals, and checking off your tasks when completed can create significant order in your life. For those that suffer from meeting commitments due to disorganization or frequent memory lapses, using a planner can be a game-changer!
Are you a phenomenal helper that also suffers from being a burned-out people pleaser? It can be a difficult balance, especially when your heart is in the healing of others.
When you possess a natural helping spirit, you give to others in the most supportive way as part of who you are. And your intent is always to be of true and genuine help. But, unfortunately, the best intentions can land differently than expected. And you not only can connect poorly with another but also give so much that you hurt yourself.
Examine who you are as a helper. Acknowledge both your gifts and your challenges. Recognize if you are helping or reaching further into people pleasing. Knowing the difference is key and can be important to building healthy relationships with others and toward yourself.
Master your balance and become an even better helper to yourself and everyone else in the process.
Why Helping Others Is Your Calling
Not everyone has a helping spirit. Even the nicest individuals may be focused on other deeds than helping others. Or, more often, nice people do not realize how much they support others and do not call themselves “helpers”.
You may be a person who receives genuine joy by being intentional when helping and supporting. Providing a helping hand to a person, an animal, or the environment when needed sparks an indescribable joy and energy that lights you up.
It does not matter if you get a thank you or if anyone knows that you helped at all. You know and that is all that matters. Your knowing is enough to gain new energy and that feel-good feeling of being of service.
Charitable givers, volunteers, mentors, teachers, donators….the list of titles is lengthy and so are all the good works that come from those that help. You are called to perform these actions because you feel a sense of purpose in sharing your gifts with others.
The calling, or knowing, is that you are supposed to provide what you have to others in order to positively impact another’s well-being. And your calling is confirmed in the positivity you gain in the process. Helping others is an absolute and unquestioned mission for you.
What Helping Excellence Looks Like
Whether you are in a helping profession or you are simply a helpful person, you innately strive for excellence in your brand of giving. Helping excellence takes many forms but starts with the unique ability to combine being introspective, extrospective, and compassionately empathetic.
When you are introspective you not only know yourself but acknowledge your skills, abilities, or assets of value. You honor yourself by knowing that you have worth and your gifts are valuable to share.
To be extrospective is to demonstrate that you are attentive to absorbing the world around you. You pay attention to your surroundings and even look beyond your immediate view to understand the context of life and your place in it.
But the key that binds is your compassionate empathy. This is where all your gifts truly synchronize. You see your gifts of worth, interpret the needs outside of yourself, and extend yourself to give selflessly to bridge the gaps. You understand the pain and discomfort of something or someone else, see how you can be a solution, and are compelled to make yourself available as a resource.
This remarkable talent and example of character and humanity are what set helpers apart from all others. It is a form of excellence that gives true purpose to your body, mind, and spirit.
What Causes People Pleasing?
Sharing your talents with heartfelt compassion can be a beautiful experience for both the giver and the receiver. However, there are times that while a helper can give with the best of intentions, it is not a healthy exchange.
The reality is that helping feels good but when an attempt to help fails, it can feel horrible.
You may have created the perfect solution, but you were impatient to capture all details so you missed the true mark.
It is possible that the receiver of your kind acts was not in the heart space to receive your assistance well. And instead took your act of kindness as an act of pity or condescending behavior.
You could have had the best and most thoughtful plan but may have had unintended bad timing.
And while mistakes happen as a normal part of life when helping fails it can make you feel disconnected and unsure of your ability to give well.
In the heart and mind of the committed helper, leaving another with a poor experience creates a restlessness that needs repair. It is in this dissatisfaction with self that the unhealthy people pleasing tendency can rise.
How to Identify Unhealthy People Pleasing
People pleasing can appear very similar to being a helper but can take a more negative, unhealthy turn if you are not self-aware.
The nature of unhealthy people-pleasing is that you take specific actions to ensure the result of making another person happy. It can become toxic when you will take action regardless of the negative impact on you.
Some people develop this pattern at a very young age, attempting to please overly strict or aggressive parents or other influencers. Others develop this behavior as a result of their work or school environments as a means to ensure positive achievement or acknowledgment.
But often failed helpers will turn into unhealthy people pleasers. Particularly if a helper has inadvertently experienced a significant instance or pattern of failed attempts to help.
Having experienced a negative or even angry response to their extended help, a helper may overextend looking for ways to fix the failure or make the person happy. What is worse is that it is hard for an innate helper to see the difference between helping with genuine positive intent or helping for personal gain.
Helpers can hurt themselves when desperately trying to calm their own people pleasing anxiety due to displeasing someone else. They can also become overly focused on being seen or treated in a positive way in response to their giving.
This unhealthy and imbalanced excessive preoccupation with giving can be detrimental to your mental health, financial stability, or your physical well-being. When helping hurts then somewhere the helping excellence equation has been thrown off balance.
What to Do When Helping Hurts
Correcting your behavior and healing from obsessive people pleasing is possible. Depending on the length of time this pattern has gone unchecked, it can take time. All helpers should develop the habit of being good givers to themselves.
Evaluate whether or not you are in a healthy giving status or not:
Can you honestly say that your act of giving still feels good to you?
Are you genuinely still a happy giver?
Do you feel energized or mentally or physically depleted when helping others?
Are you forcing your help on others even when you are told repeatedly no?
Do you often deplete yourself, your energy, your money, or other resources to help or please another?
Have you developed an addictive pattern of receiving positive feedback and gratitude from others?
Perform an honest self-assessment of whether or not helping is still healthy and good for you. And if you determine it is not, or you hear regularly from people who care about you that you are doing too much, take time to make self care a critical priority.
Self Care as People Pleasing Recovery
The habit of giving turned into a giving compulsion can have significant detrimental effects on you. Dedicate time to the practice of self-care. Know and embody the understanding that only when your tank is full can you give to others at your best.
If being an expert helper is your goal, then respect that only a healthy helper can excel at helping. Also, to give when you are not at your best degrades the quality of what you give. A helper wants to give to another the best that they have to offer always.
Simple self care ideas can include:
Allow an opportunity to help pass you by. There will never be a lack of need to be fulfilled. Permit yourself to evaluate your capability to give well and healthfully before volunteering to support
Practice healthy boundaries. Helpers that help often become relied upon for support. While this can be an honor it can also be a burden. Develop a pattern of declining requests and saying no. And try not to fill in the space by committing yourself to a future event, but simply saying not for what was asked at this time.
Reduce your commitment. Even with the best intentions you may have bitten off more than you can chew. Be honest about your limitations, apologize, and then release yourself. You are a much better helper when you give what you can healthfully.
Rest and replenish. Sleep, eat, drink water, take a break. Giving is not a marathon or a sprint. Helping is not a contest to be won. You are at your best when you provide your body, mind, and soul the replenishment it needs to function at your healthiest. Take steps to ensure that you are not unintentionally breaking the vessel you have be provide as your vehicle to help and heal others.
While it may seem counter-intuitive and hard to retrain, giving to yourself first makes your helping stronger and more effective.
Great Helpers Accept Help
Another means to support your helping health is to lean on others.
Having people that you love and trust tell you when you may be going too far is important. In the midst of your helping frenzy, you may lose yourself in the process. An accountability partner can assist in providing you with another point of view regarding your personal well-being status.
Seasoned helpers can have a never-ending list of ideas on how to help. It is also essential to seize the opportunity to let others be expert doers when you may be a visionary expert.
You do not have to have the vision and make it happen all by yourself. Permitting others to be a part of the process is another form of giving. Through your vision and inspiring energy, you create opportunities for others to participate in the helping process.
Reframe what other forms of helping can be.
Because you know how to give you provide an excellent opportunity to teach others and to create more helping hands for the future.
If you are a natural helper but suffering from chronic people pleasing or helper’s burnout you may find yourself in the strange place of needing a charge to your helping spirit. You may also be trying to balance your self-care with your care for others for the first time and feel confused in the process.
Be reminded and use as motivation that your unique gifts serve the world in a special way and continue to be needed. Giving to yourself puts you in the best position to serve.
Give yourself permission to experience all the benefits that your helping gift provides to others and yourself:
Reflect on positive past experiences where you well-demonstrated your gift of helping. See the smiles and gratitude in others and remember your own feelings of gratification.
Save any memories of gratitude you may receive such as cards, gifts, or smiling photos, and review them as part of your self-care regimen. Congratulate yourself for all the help you have extended to others.
Affirm to yourself how you have grown to be an excellent helper and all the ways that you have helped others. You are not the same person you were when you helped for the first time. Your helping gifts are likely overflowing when you truly reflect on all of them.
Have close friends and confidants to confide in when you feel unsure and let others remind you of your beautiful spirit. Don’t worry. They won’t think you are being prideful. The best partners know when you need a boost and will be more than happy to remind you how truly wonderful you are. And you deserve to hear it, especially when you need it.
Take a moment just to be grateful. Be thankful for your helping gifts and talents and all the experiences that they have provided you. You have been given an exceptional way to live your life and not everyone can experience what helping has given to you.
Recognize that you are enough. While you are excellent in all that you do for others, it is not the only thing that defines you. You do not have to do a single other thing in order to be considered a good and loving person. You do not have to prove what you are, you just are. Accept that your spirit goes far beyond your actions and relax into knowing that you are enough no matter what.
If you are a natural helper then you should know that you possess a unique gift of giving to others. That gift is worth special care and attention as it serves an important need in the world. No matter how big or small your contribution, your help can be critical to another.
Know how to give to yourself so that you are in the best mental, physical, and spiritual health to help. And recognize the signs of unhealthy or compulsive people pleasing. Remember that knowing when you need to receive help is just as important as the help you give.
Balancing your view of yourself, all that surrounds you, and the empathetic compassion that you extend to others can be challenging at times. But when you master this synchronicity, you can heal from excessive people pleasing and excel in living your purpose, helping others to the best of your ability.
Can you relate to this post? Are you on the path to becoming a healthier and happier helper? Share your progress in the Comments below.
Maybe you know someone else who could use these reminders to support their helping spirit. If so, please share!
Journal prompts are one of many ways to expand your journaling practice. When looking to delve into areas of self improvement, such as increasing your self worth, the right journal prompts for you can assist with enhancing your self awareness and appreciation.
Self worth can sometimes be diminished when we do not take the time to acknowledge our gifts, appreciate our individuality, or accentuate our contributions to ourselves and others. Additionally, when we do not receive positive reflection or validation of our attributes from others, we may internalize this criticism or neglect.
Journal prompts can allow you to ask questions you may not think to ask or in the past have avoided and permit you to reflect or validate positive knowing in a detailed manner. Even if the past circumstances are deemed unfavorable, you can use them to assess your preferences, what you may do differently in the future, or determine what you can learn.
Using journal prompts for self worth as a part of your journaling practice can help to build or sustain your self worth and lead to a more well-balanced and confident state of mind.
What is Self Worth?
Self worth is your belief or confidence in yourself. Your sense of self that says that who and what you are matters and is important to you and is of significance to those that you love. Self worth also is a general sense that your life is of importance and has purpose.
Each of these proponents has impact on your self perception, as what you think and feel about yourself impacts how you present yourself in your daily life. If you have a positive self worth, you may carry yourself with confidence, be willing to express your opinions or preferences openly and have comfort to see yourself and your actions optimistically.
If you lack self worth, you may suffer with doubt and discomfort in your daily life. You may lack confidence, question your judgment, and credit others’ opinions before your own. You may also find it more difficult to recover from negative interactions with others or even internalize the criticism or comments from others as true because you have no independent positive image.
How Does Journaling Support Your Self-Worth?
Journaling is a form of self expression where you share thoughts through words and written description. This is an intentional practice as you not only have opportunity to reflect, consider, and develop opinions about your life. But you also are able to explore putting your thoughts, actions, and emotions into writing.
This translation of your thoughts to written expression and your subsequent recordkeeping of this information creates a form of reinforcement of the sentiments captured. You may be more likely to remember your thoughts as result. Or you may also be able to explore events and evaluations in a more explicit way than thoughts alone.
If you choose, you may use the journaling process to express how you feel about yourself and others when reviewing past circumstances. You can play out what could have happened or your preferences. And you can express without outside input, opinion, or ridicule what you think about it all.
With regular journaling and focus, particularly on your self worth, you can intentionally reflect more and more positive aspects of yourself to yourself. With consistent focus, you can begin to shift your thinking , provide evidence of your positive attributes, and find yourself more often becoming aware of the positive parts of you.
20 Journal Prompts for Self Worth
What is the best compliment you have given yourself or received from someone else?
What is important to you in life?
Without overthinking it, what is your opinion of yourself?
What is your biggest accomplishment and how did you achieve it?
What are the best attributes of your closest friends? Which of these attributes do you share?
Who do you admire the most and why? Do you have similar characteristics?
What do you do that makes you most proud?
What is an example of you at your best?
If you could be, do, or have anything in world, what is top on your wish list? Why?
Do you take time to care for yourself? If you don’t and you had no limitations, how would you take care of yourself?
In what ways are you exceptional? In which ways do you want to be exceptional?
When you love and/or respect someone else, how do you show it?
The last time you took care of someone you cared about, what did you do and how did you feel about it?
If you took yourself out on a date, what would you do?
What do you aspire to be? Do you believe you are capable? Why or why not?
What positive statement do you say to yourself often? If you made a new statement, what would it be?
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of your strengths?
When is an example of when you were truly kind?
What is it like to be your friend?
What is your definition of self worth? How can you live this definition?
Self worth journal prompts can help you to examine your values, opinions, and image of yourself. And you can do this independently without outside opinion or judgment.
Regular journaling provides an opportunity to build evidence of the positive attributes you display every day and to critically consider if you have areas in life that you would like to improve. You can build an appreciation of who you are, what you do, and how you act towards yourself and others in time.
When you think about, consider, and reflect to yourself regularly your positive attributes, you can steadily build your confidence in the positive qualities that you possess. As a result you cannot only improve your self image but rely upon your personal opinion above others when validating your image to yourself.
Using journal prompts specifically for self worth can be useful to improve your state of mind and personal well-being, if used regularly and with positive intent.
Looking for more inspiration on navigating the Curvy Points of life’s journey? Subscribe today. If you are looking for support along the path on any particular subject, please share your input in the Comments section.
Do you have a sleep ritual? Are you looking to sleep better?
Sleep provides rejuvenation of the body and clarity to the mind. This mental, physical and spiritual daily cleansing is vital to your wholeness and healthfulness.
A sleep ritual blends the consistency and expectation of regimen together with the sanctity and reverence of ceremony.
You may want to explore creating a sleep ritual and unlocking the power of deep rest and its impact on your life.
An optimal sleep ritual involves preparation, participation, and reflection on your process.
Particularly through the preparation and reflection processes, the evaluation of the effectiveness of the ritual can be determined. If your sleep ritual is not effective then you have no true ritual to follow.
But if you are able to create a strong and consistent sleep ritual, you can reap all the benefits that deep, restful sleep can provide.
How to Prepare for Your Sleep Ritual
The ultimate goal is restful and rejuvenating sleep that, when achieved on a regular basis, creates the foundation for a strong wakeful day ahead.
Taking the time to be planful in creating your best sleeping conditions can go far in creating a successful sleep ritual.
If your goal is better sleep, the means to obtain it must include improvements in the atmosphere and conditions conducive to your best sleep environment.
Every person has different conditions that support their ability to fall asleep productively.
And these conditions may change based on individual preferences, the sleeping area available, and the bodily conditions of the person.
For these reasons, it is important to evaluate your specific needs to create an environment conducive to restful sleep for you.
1. Preparing Your Body for Sleep
The body performs many different functions throughout your wakeful day. For this reason, it is necessary to move away from wakeful activity and to trigger the transition that signals sleep preparation has begun.
Take a hot bath or hot shower. The use of heat can signal muscle relaxation and induce a calming feeling throughout the body.
Use warmed oils or lotions after bathing. These too can support calm, relaxation, and, if used only at bedtime, can help to reinforce defining sleep readiness.
Wear clothing that is comfortable and that helps you to maintain your preferred body temperature. Whether too hot or too cold, sleeping in discomfort can lead to wakefulness. Be mindful of room temperature and dress accordingly.
Perform a massage on yourself as a means to relax and release tension. If possible, receive a massage from your partner with an agreement that falling asleep mid-session is permissible and encouraged.
Engage in a yoga practice specifically designed for the evening. Preview this one by Boho Beautiful as an example. A less rigorous set of movements, a bedtime yoga practice will focus on stretching the body, loosening tight muscles, and creating an overall relaxing sensation for the body. Performing a bedtime stretch routine can have a similar effect.
Any or all of these steps can create an expectation that you have moved from an active body state to a still or calm physical state. Conducting this regimen regularly will ritualize the process of relaxation before bed as a means of preparation for sleep.
2. Sleep Environment Preparation
To ensure a restful, full night of sleep, you want to create a soothing and comfortable environment.
The steps to create this may change from one night to the next based on the exact place, time, and other occupants in your space.
Confirm that your room temperature is warm or cool enough for your personal comfort.
Address any ambient noises that are in your space. If these sounds cannot be controlled, consider using earplugs or finding access to white noise to camouflage the unwanted.
If you sleep with another person, attempt to coordinate in advance if you will sleep on the same schedule as your mate. The movement of another person in or out of your bed can cause interruption to your sleep continuity. If this cannot be avoided, you may consider sleeping in an alternative space until you create a consistent sleep routine, particularly if you have had significant prior sleep concerns.
Lights, cellphones, a television, and other electronics can cause disruption or unwanted alertness. Remove or turn off any items that signal wakefulness to your mind and body and engage only with those that will signal restfulness.
You may want to use a diffuser or a candle warmer to engage in aromatherapy as a means to trigger relaxation. Scents such as lavender, chamomile, sandalwood, or cedarwood can well-compliment a soothing atmosphere.
Your sleep ritual can be heavily influenced by your environment but when mastered your environment preparation can be the ideal catalyst for deep sleep.
3. Nighttime Activity Before Sleep Preparation
Your sleep ritual is focused on the relaxation of your mind and body but does not only include relaxing activity.
In order to settle an overactive body and mind, it can be helpful to engage in preparational activities that signal a wind-down towards relaxation. Think of this as a prep for your sleep ritual preparation.
If you initiate the activity several hours before sleep, you can engage in a rigorous exercise routine. While this may stimulate alertness soon after completion, over time your body will look to replenish and recover and can then create strong signals for rest.
A less intensive activity is home cleaning and organization. To ensure that you feel mentally settled, you may want to engage in 30 to 60 minutes of house cleaning. Removing clutter and setting your space in order can be a form of mental calming and anxiety reduction.
An even lighter activity that can stimulate a pre-rest status is to read a book or engage in watching television. While either can stimulate your wakeful attention, the key is to choose lightly stimulating content. Feel-good storylines, laughter, and hopeful and positive plots can improve mood and serve as an easy transition point towards relaxation.
While it can seem to have the opposite effect, engaging in activity hours before you intend to sleep can help to take you on your path of relaxation.
Setting your space in order, de-escalating after a long day at work, laughing or learning, can each provide you a sense of peace and remove tension from your mind.
4. Evaluate Your Mental Status Before Sleep
Creating the mental space for sleep is as important as all the other elements. The pressures of the day can build anxiety, stress, racing thoughts, and hyperactivity.
These high-intensity mental states can be counterproductive to sleeping or achieving levels of deep sleep. Taking steps to slow the mind and settle the flow of thoughts that you generate can lay the groundwork for sleep readiness.
Journaling can serve to relieve the mind of any burdensome thoughts. It can also be used to focus on the good within your day, elevating your spirits, and setting a tone of gratitude.
Listening to soft music or intentionally using binaural beats can help to ready and stimulate sleep. This form of sound healing can work in partnership with your relaxation practices and set expectation for your mind to rest.
There are also many forms of meditation that can serve to ready the mind and body for sleep. If experienced with a meditation practice you may simply sit in silence for 10 or 15 minutes using your breath as your focal point. Alternatively, guided meditation can walk you through a path toward internal downshifting and thought cleansing, calming active thought, and introducing mental silence.
This shift towards mental cleansing and intentional positive experience can melt your stresses and signal transition toward relaxation and sleep preparedness.
Initiation of Your Sleep Ritual
Now that you have considered all elements of your sleep ritual preparedness, you can initiate your sleep ritual.
1. Plan Your Sleep Ritual in Advance
Examining all the details collected from your preparation steps, incorporate those most meaningful to you into your sleep ritual.
Especially when creating a new sleep ritual, take time to put all the important steps to your ritual in writing. Use a special notebook, writing paper, or even scroll to capture your process.
You can note your ideal room temperature. Gather your ceremonial bedtime clothing. You may even have a set towel to use after bathing or certain bed linen to commemorate the initiation of your sleep ritual practice.
Structure your process so that you build consistency.
Make all steps achievable and repeatable.
Do not feel that you must try everything.
And certainly, do not cause yourself stress when establishing your process.
When you have all steps outlined, silently set the intention of regular restful sleep.
You can even light a candle or close your eyes and take a healing breath to signify your commitment to your intention.
2. Undergo Your Sleep Ritual as Sacred Ceremony
Follow your sleep ritual with reverence and loyalty to each step.
Elevating the importance of your sleep ritual is an indication of self-care and self-love by way of honoring your sleep.
As you step from one action to the next, be mindful that all actions you are taking are in support of your sleep and self-preservation.
Take time to ensure that you have the proper materials for each action or, if not, pause to gather them. There is no need to rush as the goal is to slow down and come to rest.
Be flexible as you are developing this ritual. All things may not be perfectly smooth from the beginning.
Be watchful for any necessary adjustments to make the process easy flowing.
Modify as you see fit. Eliminate any actions that seem laborsome. Add any new actions that enhance your process.
Once your action item list is finalized, stay true to following your process each night and, if at all possible, at the same time. Your sleep ritual should become habit-forming and be as if a recipe for your most restful sleep.
Be open to communicating to others about your sleep ritual, especially those you may live with. It is not necessary to share all parts in detail. But be sure to establish to others the sanctity and necessity of your process towards sleep. Part of your sleep ritual reverence is to ensure that others have reverence to not disturb your process.
Reflection on Your Sleep Ritual
Evaluating the effectiveness of your sleep ritual gives you the opportunity to optimize what works well. As well as the flexibility to change what doesn’t work.
All actions to achieve the goal of optimal rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation should feel as if by design.
This is the opportunity to review your process for the ultimate goal of quality sleep.
Be free to accentuate the most meaningful parts of your ritual. If you enjoy a certain activity, such as your meditation, be open to lengthening the process or try other options or modifications. You may create a playlist of rest-ready music or utilize different stretching techniques to relax your body.
Be mindful throughout the preparation process. Stay consistent in the core steps of your practice.
Honor your ritual daily regardless of the day of the week or outside circumstances.
Take the opportunity to reflect upon your work in creating this ritual of health and to acknowledge your care for yourself. Celebrating even small improvements will stimulate hope of achieving better sleep.
If you have not been successful in creating a smooth sleep ritual or you cannot consistently commit to your practice, examine why.
Eliminate blockers with compassion for yourself and the process. Examine ways for improvement and be open to eliminating even the most desired components that are not practical.
Explore ideas beyond those suggested above and make adjustments that best meet your sleep intentions.
Above all learn what you can through the reflection process to customize your sleep ritual to be both effective and enjoyable for you.
A sleep ritual can be an enriching and rewarding process leading to the well-balancing of mind, body, and spirit through better sleep.
If you can well-incorporate both the ceremony and consistency of your sleep ritual through preparation, participation, and reflection, you can reap the benefits of this sacred process.
Tailoring each component of your sleep ritual through careful self-observation and exploration can lend to the precision of its makeup.
Honoring your need for a consistent sleep ritual with yourself and with others can only lend to its effectiveness and the sustainability of your process.
Using these ideas or exploring others with friends, family, and other resources will help you to create a well-crafted sleep ritual that will serve you to achieve regular, restful, much-needed sleep.
Do you have a trusted practice as part of your sleep ritual? Share it in the comments below to help others reach their rest and rejuvenation goals.